Feelin’ Good As Hell

“Baby how you feelin?”

“FEELIN GOOD AS HELLLL!” I’m screaming that from the rooftops today! Baby I am feeling good as HELL on today’s date! I feel unstoppable, powerful, cute, refreshed, grateful… all of the things and I’m holding on to it like it’s my last breath.

Wait, shit, that last line might’ve been in bad taste considering *waves around* all of this but whatever, y’all know what I mean! I got my pep back, my steps have been reordered; I feel like I can breathe again. God I haven’t been breathing right but today… today I might. I might go outside and stand under the sun (or moon, maybe both) and just BREATHE. A long, deep, belly sigh that rattles my rib cage. Did you know that most of us don’t breathe properly? We’ve been conditioned to take shorter, choppier breaths when we should be taking long, belly deep breaths. Try it with me: a long, belly deep breath. One where you drop your shoulders and roll your head around in a circle. A sigh should fill the space you’re in. Breathe.

I feel like I haven’t been breathing right since my auntie died- like the wind has been taken from me. I may never breathe right again but today I will; every chance I get cause clinging onto the hard shit only makes it harder. But leaving it out to dry also makes it harder so I’m finding my balance and feeling good about it. Recovery, that’s the word. Freedom, another one. Joy, it did indeed come in the morning, early in the morning and on a Friday, but it came. I’m feeling good on this Friday with my joy in my hand & my baby pulling the other… I can breathe again. I can smile and be okay. Get back to me a little. Do what I told my auntie I was gonna do.. make her proud & what not.

I hope you find some “feel good” in this here Friday like I have. Carry it with you through the weekend, hold on to it, & never let it go. Stand under the sun and breathe a little. You deserve that much. Show me your spot between (toddler) mom chaos and breathing; your feel good place. I’ll meet you there 💗