I’m a bad mom. Like legitimately terrible at this motherhood thing and like maybe to outside people I’m not but I am. I lose my cool ALL of the time. I want to yell when I’m not being obeyed. I be tempted to “pop her legs” or say “Imma spank yo butt” like 75 times a week. I don’t like leaving the house with her, or at least the process it takes to even get out the door. I wish a certain somebody that will (maybe) one day be pivotal to her life would disappear. We don’t do mommy and me classes, play dates, hell I couldn’t even drag myself out of the bed last winter to keep her in swim lessons. I’m a bad mom and Im okay with that being true.
Kind of but not really.
It’s like I wanna be a good mom and I want to be patient and calm and like my mom idols but like… I just don’t think I have it in me. I don’t think I was made for all this “new age parenting” as my grandma calls it. But I’ve been trying my hand at it for almost 2 years so maybe I was? Maybe I can do this and I just need some help. Cause she’s a happy kid and she’s expressive and she’s fun and she’s soooo fracking cute and lovable and EVERYBODY adores her and people compliment me on my parenting alllll the time; so why do I feel like this? Why do I, the person this baby always wants, feel like a shit mother? Like I can’t get it right no matter how hard I try?