684 days. Almost 2 years. My body, her body, literally skin-to-skin everyday for all these days. 684 days…and counting.
Now, 699 days. Nearly 700 days. Probably about 10,000 nursing sessions. Me and Bean, Bean and me; fed by the boob, tethered by the boob.
I am so damn tired y’all and yet… I keep setting myself back. I keep finding an excuse or two- “Well she hasn’t eaten today”. “But it’s our bonding time!” “But… I don’t want anymore. I can power through.” But… I can’t power through. I need to stop, I need to just end it and be done. I need to put me first. I don’t know how to put me first.
I feel guilty listening to her cry, watching her ask for “boobs“, pulling my shirt up & bra down then gagging dramatically cause the ACV + cabbage is fcking RANK LOL! Making the decision to officially wean has taught me that I don’t know how to end things without a “reason”. I have to have a big, grandiose sign flashing to the exit. Not just in nursing, not just in parenting, in general. I need a big, “can’t miss this shit” reason to leave. It’s probably why I didn’t leave wasshisname when I should have- nothing was wrong but everything was wrong. The math was mathing and yet… here we are two years later.
Breastfeeding was so beautiful and taxing and easy and transformative and empowering and…FAWKING DRAINING!!! It is so taxing on the nursing mother’s body and mind. So much of my breastfeeding journey was me forcing myself to keep going cause “it’s for the best,” “I said a year”, “two years is normal in other parts of the world!!” But fck all that! I should’ve listened to my body, she has never steered me wrong. I knew I was tired. I knew I wanted my body back but I hadn’t learned my lesson yet. I didn’t know that you could walk away from things for “no reason”. That my peace of mind and bodily autonomy were big enough reasons to stop. 699 days, almost 700 even, might be 700 even and this is the end. This is the start of me putting myself first- to be a better woman, better mommy, free & ready for the next phase.
If you’re interested in a non-crying (at least for us) way to wean: Freeze some cabbage leaves, mix Apple Cider Vinegar with water, spritz your nipples with the ACV water mix then put the cabbage leaves in your bra. I’m not saying it’s fool proof but uhhh… I THINK IT’S FOOLPROOF 😅 (PS there’s a video on my Twitter & Instagram detailing this method)
Good luck on your weaning journey. If you’re ready, you’re ready. There doesn’t have to be any reason beyond that. Be ready, document your last nursing session, and get dem titties back Pooh!!